These days I'm trying my best to keep things simple, like giving my ego a name. Little Dar, Sweetheart, or darling. When my ego flairs up, I simply respond with gentleness and forgiveness. I posed this to my students. It's actually not as simple as one would think. Try it!
I just happened to see several youTube videos by Nondual folks who said any kind of "integration" after awakening is just another ego project.
if eating better, doing yoga, sleeping better, being kinder, is about me improving myself and feeling better about myself, then I applaud your caution 1000%.
I guess we've become so materialistic, so devoid of any sense of a Reality greater than ourselves, then improving the body, heart and mind can perhaps only be seen as yet another insidious self improvement project. And I suppose if that's the way we see ourselves, there's not much of a transcendent reason for improvement.
But what if I'm 1000% content (or a million percent!). Certainly I wouldn't care about improving my mind, body, etc.
But then somehow, there is this deep well of joy in learning, learning new skills, developing a sense of beauty and elegance about the processes of eating, movement, sleep, learning, relating, that has absolutely no bearing on my self worth.
What then?
I think this is related to the way so many take Joseph Campbell's advice to "follow your bliss." They think it means do what makes you feel good.
In fact, it could be said it's the exact opposite. I don't know any better way to conclude than to bring some "God" language into this (Though you can substitute Brahman, Tao, Allah, or the Dharma if you like)
If I live with a deep aspiration to give myself wholly to that Presence "in which we live and move and have our being," then I choose healthy foods, sleep, yoga, meditation, work, play, etc NOT to improve myself - I don't need improving in that way - but simply for the joy of self giving.
Now leaving religious language, I'll let Zen teacher Shunyru Suzuki have the last word:
"You're perfect as you are, and there's room for improvement."
Thank you for this wonderful and thoughtful comment! I appreciate your sharing your perspective so much. You and I clearly share influences and I look forward to continuing to communicate.
The quote you use to say it all is one of my very most favorite reminders of all time!:
"You're perfect as you are, and there's room for improvement."
The vastness did not make a mistake, or if it did, it made it over and over… To try to be rid of one’s sense of I-ness is like trying to catch a jaguar by shouting loudly for him to come out! And who is doing the getting rid of exactly? So confusing. Even if it were possible to be rid of it (still unconvinced on that) it seems undesirable. Perhaps we mean instead “I wish to not be so self-obsessed or self-absorbed”, which is fair enough but not the same as getting rid of the sense of distinction, a gift of a sensation allowing us to be cozy and at home within the vastness and also have a unique experience of it. All fun and games, but some folk have determined it should be otherwise. A saying: Satan is Faith without a smile and so we have much unhappiness being generated by the search for Happiness, and illness being suffered in the search for Healing. People torturing themselves with yoga when for me, has been nothing but enjoyment of movement, of being body, whether it’s painful or difficult or “wow!”
You have definitely given me food for thought. Always being on a self improvement “kick” only seems to emphasize my feelings of not good enough, which has been a lifelong issue. You would think that by the age of 70 I would recognize the pitfalls of this and be comfortable with who I am.
Being 71 (as I am) has really inspired me to explore what the tangible gifts of getting older can be. I have to say, there are so many! Again, the aging process is full of pitfalls - especially because we live in this culture of "never good enough". Never have been, never will be!
Each one of these addictive thought patterns – where we think ourselves less than we should be – is a classic trap revealed in the Yoga Sutra and yet is almost never addressed. The most common ways we endeavor to feel good about who we are usually involve trying to eradicate negative thoughts. Good luck with that!!
Turns out, at least in my experience, that self acceptance and nonresistance to our deepest patterns of self destructive loathing is the key! Not because we want to wallow in suffering, but because we DON'T want to.
This is lovely. I’m always trying to find ways to remind myself and others of this daily. How refreshing to be content as we are and yet continue to grow! Thank you for being so passionate and honest. <3
Was glad to read this, thank you. There’s a lot of stuff about now, concerning killing off one’s sense of I-ness, being rid of it- a popular fashion is to desire “ego-death” which seems extreme and puzzling to say the least.
Hi Mina, I know. It is a popular idea to kill the ego. I think it may be a waste of time for many of us. We are alive in the world. We have things to do, people to care for and be with.
It's a different perspective that would like to not care about the personal anymore.
The personal has the vast field of awareness fully penetrating it!! Did the vastness make a huge mistake in creating the personal?
That doesn't make sense to me...anymore.
I think being in the world is an important part of awakening to all of what is - without need to alter change or improve.
To see it for what it is: A sometimes beautiful complex mess.
These days I'm trying my best to keep things simple, like giving my ego a name. Little Dar, Sweetheart, or darling. When my ego flairs up, I simply respond with gentleness and forgiveness. I posed this to my students. It's actually not as simple as one would think. Try it!
Hi Patty:
I just happened to see several youTube videos by Nondual folks who said any kind of "integration" after awakening is just another ego project.
if eating better, doing yoga, sleeping better, being kinder, is about me improving myself and feeling better about myself, then I applaud your caution 1000%.
I guess we've become so materialistic, so devoid of any sense of a Reality greater than ourselves, then improving the body, heart and mind can perhaps only be seen as yet another insidious self improvement project. And I suppose if that's the way we see ourselves, there's not much of a transcendent reason for improvement.
But what if I'm 1000% content (or a million percent!). Certainly I wouldn't care about improving my mind, body, etc.
But then somehow, there is this deep well of joy in learning, learning new skills, developing a sense of beauty and elegance about the processes of eating, movement, sleep, learning, relating, that has absolutely no bearing on my self worth.
What then?
I think this is related to the way so many take Joseph Campbell's advice to "follow your bliss." They think it means do what makes you feel good.
In fact, it could be said it's the exact opposite. I don't know any better way to conclude than to bring some "God" language into this (Though you can substitute Brahman, Tao, Allah, or the Dharma if you like)
If I live with a deep aspiration to give myself wholly to that Presence "in which we live and move and have our being," then I choose healthy foods, sleep, yoga, meditation, work, play, etc NOT to improve myself - I don't need improving in that way - but simply for the joy of self giving.
Now leaving religious language, I'll let Zen teacher Shunyru Suzuki have the last word:
"You're perfect as you are, and there's room for improvement."
Thank you for this wonderful and thoughtful comment! I appreciate your sharing your perspective so much. You and I clearly share influences and I look forward to continuing to communicate.
The quote you use to say it all is one of my very most favorite reminders of all time!:
"You're perfect as you are, and there's room for improvement."
Yeah, but I bet I need to improve more than you do!:>)))
Ha ha!! That is the insidious part speaking!!
Hello Patty,
The vastness did not make a mistake, or if it did, it made it over and over… To try to be rid of one’s sense of I-ness is like trying to catch a jaguar by shouting loudly for him to come out! And who is doing the getting rid of exactly? So confusing. Even if it were possible to be rid of it (still unconvinced on that) it seems undesirable. Perhaps we mean instead “I wish to not be so self-obsessed or self-absorbed”, which is fair enough but not the same as getting rid of the sense of distinction, a gift of a sensation allowing us to be cozy and at home within the vastness and also have a unique experience of it. All fun and games, but some folk have determined it should be otherwise. A saying: Satan is Faith without a smile and so we have much unhappiness being generated by the search for Happiness, and illness being suffered in the search for Healing. People torturing themselves with yoga when for me, has been nothing but enjoyment of movement, of being body, whether it’s painful or difficult or “wow!”
You have definitely given me food for thought. Always being on a self improvement “kick” only seems to emphasize my feelings of not good enough, which has been a lifelong issue. You would think that by the age of 70 I would recognize the pitfalls of this and be comfortable with who I am.
I hear you, Kathy.
Being 71 (as I am) has really inspired me to explore what the tangible gifts of getting older can be. I have to say, there are so many! Again, the aging process is full of pitfalls - especially because we live in this culture of "never good enough". Never have been, never will be!
Each one of these addictive thought patterns – where we think ourselves less than we should be – is a classic trap revealed in the Yoga Sutra and yet is almost never addressed. The most common ways we endeavor to feel good about who we are usually involve trying to eradicate negative thoughts. Good luck with that!!
Turns out, at least in my experience, that self acceptance and nonresistance to our deepest patterns of self destructive loathing is the key! Not because we want to wallow in suffering, but because we DON'T want to.
Thank you for posting here!
This is lovely. I’m always trying to find ways to remind myself and others of this daily. How refreshing to be content as we are and yet continue to grow! Thank you for being so passionate and honest. <3
Thank you for showing up here and for your own honesty! I appreciate making the connection with you.
Was glad to read this, thank you. There’s a lot of stuff about now, concerning killing off one’s sense of I-ness, being rid of it- a popular fashion is to desire “ego-death” which seems extreme and puzzling to say the least.
Hi Mina, I know. It is a popular idea to kill the ego. I think it may be a waste of time for many of us. We are alive in the world. We have things to do, people to care for and be with.
It's a different perspective that would like to not care about the personal anymore.
The personal has the vast field of awareness fully penetrating it!! Did the vastness make a huge mistake in creating the personal?
That doesn't make sense to me...anymore.
I think being in the world is an important part of awakening to all of what is - without need to alter change or improve.
To see it for what it is: A sometimes beautiful complex mess.
lovely difficult concept -- to love your own mess -- thanks for saying it out loud -- the world needs more of this kind of smart...