The Insidious Self-Improvement Project
Sure way to limit your joy in living.
Welcome to my first post. Thank you for joining me here!
Self-Improvement
I see that many of us, myself included, have been drawn into the idea that if we could just improve ourselves, our diet, our self image, our relationships…whatever, we would be able to get on a lot better with answering life's important questions. We will get smarter and we will figure it all out.
Having witnessed the development of pop-culture-yoga, addiction to perfection, hero worship, and fitness madness disguised as spiritual practice, I want to help us all resist the temptation to give into popular demands of self-improvement. Rabid self improvement projects are one way streets to nowhere.
I want to help us see and embody as part of ourselves that if we want to be serious about yoga or any other philosophical inquiry, we are going to have to examine our ego's ferocious cravings to be attended to. We are going to have to temper our mad scrambling to be better, more fit, more right, more spiritual, or smarter than anyone else.
The entire idea of trying to improve oneself is a monstrous waste of time. There is no end to it. We will be better served if we can successfully undermine and extricate ourselves from writhing back and forth between ego's illusions of grandiosity and self-loathing. We can learn — through inquiry and discernment — that those thoughts and feelings are nothing more or less than inherent in being human and they needn't define the whole show.
Is Ego a Bad Thing?
We have to get over it. Acceptance is first. Constantly fighting with ego's urges is a sure way to keep the struggle alive. When we can accept the ongoingness of ego's ramblings and desires, we have half a chance of not being ruled by them.
Our perceived personal wants and needs are in reality not that powerful. The are genuinely superficial when viewed in their larger perspective. However, they become dominant when we resist them.
(What is the larger perspective? What is it for you? We can talk more about that later. But for now….)
Let's give up trying to eradicate critically important aspects of ourselves. There is no other way. The only thing that works to tame your frantic ego is to acknowledge its desirous nature. We need to accept our egos. We need to give them love and acknowledgment for all they do for us.
We need to see them for who and what they are — useful and immature.
Conversation with Ego
"Oh you dear sweet human core of differentiation, thoughts and feelings.
I love and need you. We get a lot done together, don't we?
Thank you for being here."
"Now, let's calm down, okay?"
Ego screams, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Flailing and kicking, ego throws itself down on the ground.
"Alright…I will listen to your tantrum and your woes."
"Yes, I know you are important…and you help me so much!
I love you."
"I do take you seriously." (Even as I secretly think you are kind of cute in your passionate ragings.)
"Yes, of course you can be here too! We can work together.
Does that sound good?"
"You'll see. You will be so much happier when you mature a little more. I Promise"
"We can do this together, okay?"
Don’t waste your time.
So many of us spend way too much time trying to be a better version of who we take ourselves to be. Let’s admit it, we want to be better than a lot of people. Sometimes we even want to be the best. At least let's consider the idea that all that effort to improve and position ourselves on some imagined ladder of bad-good-better-best may be a waste of valuable time.
Wholesome Desire for Clarity
I feel the intense desire to improve actually arises from a wholesome place. From a healthy desire to be clear in heart and mind, to see life as it actually is, to love and be loved.
Paying attention, using discrimination, checking our motivation, and remembering what is important to us can guide our process. We can free ourselves from the endless loop of trying to improve and actually enjoy who and what we are.
I'm certainly not saying we shouldn't cultivate healthy habits. Of course we should. Feeling good in body and mind is a firm foundation for inquiry. Not perfect. That will never be. And, you are very likely good enough already.
I really appreciate your time and attention.
It means a lot to me to be able to share my thoughts and ideas.
Please comment freely. I like to know what you think too.
Very much looking forward to the conversation
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Gratefully,
Patty
These days I'm trying my best to keep things simple, like giving my ego a name. Little Dar, Sweetheart, or darling. When my ego flairs up, I simply respond with gentleness and forgiveness. I posed this to my students. It's actually not as simple as one would think. Try it!
Hi Patty:
I just happened to see several youTube videos by Nondual folks who said any kind of "integration" after awakening is just another ego project.
if eating better, doing yoga, sleeping better, being kinder, is about me improving myself and feeling better about myself, then I applaud your caution 1000%.
I guess we've become so materialistic, so devoid of any sense of a Reality greater than ourselves, then improving the body, heart and mind can perhaps only be seen as yet another insidious self improvement project. And I suppose if that's the way we see ourselves, there's not much of a transcendent reason for improvement.
But what if I'm 1000% content (or a million percent!). Certainly I wouldn't care about improving my mind, body, etc.
But then somehow, there is this deep well of joy in learning, learning new skills, developing a sense of beauty and elegance about the processes of eating, movement, sleep, learning, relating, that has absolutely no bearing on my self worth.
What then?
I think this is related to the way so many take Joseph Campbell's advice to "follow your bliss." They think it means do what makes you feel good.
In fact, it could be said it's the exact opposite. I don't know any better way to conclude than to bring some "God" language into this (Though you can substitute Brahman, Tao, Allah, or the Dharma if you like)
If I live with a deep aspiration to give myself wholly to that Presence "in which we live and move and have our being," then I choose healthy foods, sleep, yoga, meditation, work, play, etc NOT to improve myself - I don't need improving in that way - but simply for the joy of self giving.
Now leaving religious language, I'll let Zen teacher Shunyru Suzuki have the last word:
"You're perfect as you are, and there's room for improvement."