fifty years ago..
What was it like to be young?
Fifty years ago I was 22. I would have hoped for it to be more easy…
I got on a plane and went to Belgium to become a meditation teacher. For three months I sat on my bed, meditated dutifully, drew charts, listened to those who were already teachers, and waited for the magic.
I felt better. A little bit. I learned to control myself even more successfully. I counted my calories and did my duty to my evolution every day.
I would have hoped for it to be more easy…
I clamped down hard and hoped for the best. I did what I needed to do, and chased every way to release and relax, to expand my mind. I lived for that. I stayed silent, wandered around looking good, and tried to figure out more ways to improve.
They were hard years. The sly tricks I thought I was playing on myself. How healthy can a body be? “You look great, you must workout!” “What? How much yoga did you say you do? Wow! That’s amazing.” Commended for my dedication and commitment, not knowing what else to do, I had chosen wild desperation.
I would have hoped for it to be more easy…
Now 50 years on, wisdom seems to be about being truthful and seeing what one has been doing with ones life than about some sort of arriving.
I would have hoped for it to be more easy…
Now what?
The refrain of "I would have hoped for it to be more easy" moves your writing into the poetic realm of rhythmic and haunting repetition as well as prayer...
Here is a poem that your post brought to me that I am compelled to share with you about doing a headstand... it is the final lines that are for you. For all of us at the intersection of history: https://coriefeiner.substack.com/p/how-to-turn-your-world-upside-down?r=1vl0c8
“I would have hoped for it to be more easy”. This refrain makes me laugh out loud and want to cry at the same time. Thank you Patty. 💗